


A Case of Amnesia

by fencingfox



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Memory Loss, Rape/Non-con Elements, i firmly believe noone is raped so no true warning but proceed with caution, who am i kidding chakotay and kathryn def flirt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-11-15 03:00:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20859122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fencingfox/pseuds/fencingfox
Summary: Voyager's throwing a tantrum. B'Elanna isn't acting like herself. Everyone is conspiring against Tom. He keeps thinking about what the Captain told him once:We're Starfleet Officers. Weird is part of the job.





	1. Tom

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place sometime between _Faces_ and _Blood Fever_ where Tom likes her but B'Elanna doesn't know if she likes him. I managed to finish it this week. And it goes well with the fictober story for today.
> 
> SuvwI' (warrior)  
bIHnuch (coward)

"Captain, permission to check on engineering's status?" I push back from my seat at the helm reluctantly, but what else can I do here? The controls are down and I'm sure it isn't my fault this time. 

"Granted. Ask them about communicators while you're at it." 

"Aye, Captain." I get out of my seat and begin the long walk and turbolift to engineering. Before walking inside, I prepare myself for the worst. B'Elanna won't be happy about how many systems are down. Seems that every time she goes on an away mission, _Voyager_ throws a tantrum and breaks some key system in the process. Sure enough, when I walk in I catch looks of fear on a dozen Ensigns frantically running to and fro to follow the orders of their vengeful leader. I look around for B'Elanna. After a few seconds, I hear her bark orders at Vorik from on the catwalk. I look up to see her glaring at him menacingly. Vorik doesn't bat an eyelash while she chews on him like a dog's ragdoll. She doesn't see me though. I let out a sigh and run my fingers through my hair as I head for the elevator to go to the second level. I step off quickly, feeling guilty about taking up space with nothing to do. I walk up behind B'Elanna who is currently hunched over and pressing a hypospanner into a reluctant system of isolinear chips. 

"Vorik," she growls, "go work on the communicators before I gut you." 

"Not Vorik." She shoots a scathing look over her shoulder to confirm I assume. 

"What do you want, Paris? I'm a little busy fixing transporters in case you're too dim to notice." I admit I hadn't known she was fixing transporters, but it's obvious even to me that she's busy. 

"I wanted to ask when you think helm controls will be back." I say, trying to embody a cool lake breeze. Maybe being relaxed will bring her down some. Or maybe it will infuriate her just enough to toss me over the catwalk into the warp core. I peer over the edge. It looks awfully hungry today. "Captain wants word on comms too," I say this while looking at the warp core still. She growls and swears something in Klingon that I can't make out over the racket around us. 

"I don't know when helm will be running again. When did it break?" 

"About thirty minutes after you got back from your away mission." I crouch to see what she's working on. "I don't think _Voyager_ likes it when you leave." She slaps the ship. 

"Yeah, thanks a lot!" I laugh. 

"Careful, she'll throw another tantrum. She's only two after all." As if on cue, I hear another system go out with the tell-tale sounds of alarm below them. B'Elanna growls her frustration. 

"I swear, that's the last away mission I go on! And to think the dilithium readings were false anyway!" She looks down through the grate to Carey. "What went out this time?" 

"Replicators," Carey responds sourly. 

"At least we got some food out of it that isn't leola root." She chuffs but I see her smile slightly. She focuses again and I watch her. I have nothing better to do. "What about comms?" 

"Vorik's working on those. He said last estimate was three hours," she says without stopping her work. She shifts to get a better view of the chips higher up in the open panel. I have to hold my breath as her new position shifts her breasts up and toward me. They look round and soft. Pliable unlike her steel will. The soft hum of the hypospanner stops suddenly and I jerk my eyes up to her face, worried that I've been caught. She's not in a good mood, and if she sees me ogling, she'll probably gouge my eyes out and eat them. There's a look of confusion on her face but it's directed at the glowing chips. She shakes her head and then it's gone. Curious, I keep watching her work, her hands this time. She pauses again for longer when the confusion returns. I can see it on her face. She looks at the hypospanner quizzically, then at where her other hand is over the top housing of a blue gelpak. I follow her gaze as she shifts places. She turns the hypospanner back on and starts moving for the fleshy part of the gelpak. My eyes widen. _What the hell?_ I grab her wrist and pull it away so that she can't melt it and slop goop over herself. 

"B'Elanna, what are you doing?" She looks at my hand around her wrist and then at her face. 

"Huh? Oh, I'm not sure. Where am I?" I turn my face to look at her sideways. _Is she kidding?_

"You're in engineering." 

"Am I an engineer?" I nods my head slowly. _What is going on?_

"Yes." I take the hypospanner from her and release her hand, thinking she might do more harm with it. "B'Elanna, this isn't funny. Are you alright?" 

"Am I B'Elanna?" _Okay she's crazy._ I grab one of her shoulders and look into her eyes. 

"Yes, you're B'Elanna. Quit playing around. Half the systems on _Voyager_ are down." She looks at my hand on her shoulder. I hear her growl at me and release her, glad that she's back to normal. _I should have kissed her; would have shown her to play games._ Just as that thought crosses my mind, B'Elanna tackles me to the metal grate of the catwalk. I can't say I went quietly. There may or may not have been a high pitched yelp. I hear the conversation below us go quiet. It resumes quickly after a moment of silence. _They must think I deserved to be knocked down._ I look at her eyes. They are rimmed with lust like I've never seen before. "B'Elanna?" At her name, she lunges to bite my left cheek. I find the strength to throw her off of me after her jaw slackens and quickly scramble to my feet before she can recover, holding the hypospanner out like a weapon. 

"You are _strong_. You will make a great mate." _Mate? What the hell?_ She pounds her chest like a gorilla, a _freaking gorilla._

"Get back, B'Elanna." I steady my grip on the hypospanner like it's a phaser. It won't do too much damage; might burn her a little if I got close enough. 

"You want to prove yourself against me? I accept!" By now, the clamor below us has silenced to watch the chief engineer and chief helmsman spar. I wish one of them would realize something's wrong! She paces back and forth along the catwalk. I mirror her movements in opposition, feeling ridiculous. I don't have a flying rat's ass as to what I'm supposed to be doing. With a growl, she lunges at me. I yell, startled, and hold the hypospanner to her arm. She backs off from the heat as it burns a hole into her uniform. 

"Hello!? Someone help me out?" 

"She's all yours, Paris." That's Carey. I curse as I hear some scattered laughter. B'Elanna lunges again so I can't explain the situation to them. I aim for the same spot and manage to burn her skin. I smell it: acrid and sharp. She yelps and backs off. Her eyes are staring at the hypospanner, finally seeing it as a threat. I'm not sure whether to be pleased or worried. 

"I'm serious! She's not herself. She didn't remember she was an engineer for gods sake!" There's some rumblings of conversation below us. I catch a few snippets: 'maybe that's Klingon foreplay', 'she sure picked a good time to rut', 'maybe he actually needs help', 'maybe he doesn't like her after all'.... B'Elanna lunges for the hypospanner. I hold it over my head where she can't reach it. She begins to _climb_ up my body. "God damnit, B'Elanna. Get _off!_" I manage to throw her off my body. She lands with a clatter on the catwalk. I rush forward to pin her with my body. It brings my face directly in front of hers. 

"You've pinned me, SuvwI'," she writhes under me and I groan softly, "go ahead and take me," she purrs. _If winning gets me this, what the hell would loosing earn me?_ I'm treated to an image of B'Elanna astride my back with my arms pinned painfully and her placing kisses along the back of my neck. 

"The only place I'm taking you is Sick Bay," I growl. 

"Lead the way." That confuses me a moment before I realize I'd stressed 'taking you' more than 'Sick Bay'. She'd misunderstood me. _Well, if it makes her cooperate, then I'm not complaining._

"Come on, B'Elanna." I get off of her and help her up. I grab her upper arm, the one without the burn, roughly and pull her along. She growls, but then leans into me, displaying for anyone—and everyone is watching—just who she thinks she belongs to. At the bottom of the elevator, the whole of engineering whoops. I hear an 'about time', a '_nice_ one, Tom', and a drawn out 'damn' amid the chaos. I glower at Carey and shove the hypospanner into his hand. "Thanks a lot." 

"Any time, Tom." He replies with a sly grin. "Have fun on your honeymoon." I turn my back on him and drag B'Elanna toward the exit since transporters went down before B'Elanna even left. "Break a collarbone!" Carey calls after us with a laugh. If I didn't have to deal with B'Elanna, I'd have turned around and socked him. Maybe B'Elanna would join me. I smirk. It wouldn't be a first. 

I'm grateful that the corridors are filled with only Ensigns carrying communications up and down them quickly. They don't look much where they are going so I can escort B'Elanna to Sick Bay without drawing any looks. I'm sure that if anyone saw the state she is in, they'd know immediately what she was thinking. And the way she leaned against me so fully would only tell them who she was thinking of doing it with. I blush despite myself. _Get it together, man. She's your friend._ The thought of taking her to my quarters first crosses my mind but I push it out aggressively. Once B'Elanna returns to herself, she wouldn't like that. For all I know, having sex might just bring her back to her senses. My daydream distracts me. B'Elanna pushes me against the bulkhead and then presses herself to me. She grinds against me roughly. 

"B'Elanna," I warn. 

"Just how far away is this Sick Bay?" She places feather light kisses on my neck and chin. "I need you." My groin stirs at her honest-sounding request and her actions. I want desperately to grind back, to shove her against the opposite bulkhead and take her right in the middle of the corridor. Instead, I push her back with two hands, careful to avoid her burn. I really do feel bad about that. 

"Not far. Come on. I'll help once we get to Sick Bay." I wince at my half lie, but she doesn't seem to notice. "I promise." Sick Bay is empty when I walk in and I am sorely tempted again to just pin her to a biobed and fuck her raw. Gods, I want to hear her scream. I bet she's a screamer. I shake my head of the thought before it drags me too far. While I do help her to a biobed, I (reluctantly) call for the emergency medical hologram as well. The Doctor materializes near the entrance, facing the wrong way. 

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency." He looks around until he spots us. He grabs a medical tricorder on his way to her bed. "What seems to be the problem, B'Elanna?" I answer instead since B'Elanna is transfixed on the hand I have on the biobed, just centimeters from her waist. I should probably move it, but it seems to keep her calm. 

"B'Elanna got confused a little while ago. She nearly burned through a gelpak with a hypospanner and didn't even remember she was an engineer. Then she tackled me, bit me, and challenged me to a dumb Klingon mating ritual." I almost add that I'd won, but felt that not only would I be boasting, I didn't need the Doctor's watchful eye turned to me. 

"The Klingon mating ritual is anything but dumb. In fact, I've done several studies on their ritual through what publications we have on _Voyager_. I think it is one of the most efficient means of reproduction among humanoid species. Winning ones mate, so to speak, certainly ensures a few things will and won't happen." He pauses his rant about Klingon mating rituals long enough to look dumbfounded at the tricorder's readings. I somehow resist the urge to steal it away from him to read it myself. "I'm detecting memory degradation. When did she first start to show these symptoms?" 

"Um," _How long did we fight?_ "About ten minutes ago, I think?" The Doctor adjusts something on the tricorder and opens his eyes widely. 

"Tom, fetch a hypospray with anesthesia to administer to B'Elanna." I do as the Doctor asks. Only after the hypospray hisses against B'Elanna's neck do I ask why. 

"What did she need to be knocked out for?" 

"I need to perform surgery. There is a parasite attached to her hippocampus. I believe that is the reason for her current forgetfulness. But I am not sure how aware it is of myself. I don't want it killing its host when it realizes its in danger." 

"Will she be alright?" Suddenly, I'm worried. 

"I believe so. It should have been sedated as well. I can remove it without difficulty. Hold B'Elanna on her side. It will be easier to access it that way." I roll B'Elanna's slight and sturdy form to her left side so that the Doctor can find her hippocampus from her right. Her skin is warm through her uniform; I think warmer than it usually is. After a few moments, the Doctor nods to me and I rest her on her back carefully. "The parasite is dead. I've tagged it with common cold markers so her body should recognize it and remove it in the next few hours. Can you fetch the Captain?" I nod and head out of Sick Bay. I return a few minutes later with the Captain and, the ever loyal, Chakotay in tow. 

"What happened, Doctor?" This is Chakotay. He'd insisted on coming with to check on B'Elanna, his friend. I was glad I'd not taken advantage of B'Elanna when I remembered just how stocky Chakotay is. I have an inch on him, but Chakotay's favorite holodeck program is a boxing simulator. Damned if I'd be any match against the _Maquis Mauler_. 

"Tom brought B'Elanna in with signs of memory loss. I detected a parasite feeding off of her hippocampus." 

"Where could she have gotten a parasite?" The Captain asks. 

"I believe it was from her away mission. I'd like to analyze all of the crew members who went on that trip and additionally any food brought on board. The physiology of the parasite suggests that it is ingested in some manner, makes its way into the bloodstream, and then attaches itself to the host's hippocampus. Oh, and it gives off readings similar to dilithium deposits." _Ha! A parasite that feeds off of engineers._

"I'll send them down right away." 

"That's not all Captain, Commander. After Tom left, I took another scan and it seems that even with the parasite dead and on its way to being removed by her immune system, she is still undergoing memory loss. I've been able to use a remedy for Alzheimer's disease to prevent further loss, but I'm afraid she's lost a lot of memories already." The weight of her memory loss doesn't seems to dawn on the command team as they don't say anything. 

"She didn't know she was an engineer, Captain," I chime while I look at B'Elanna's peaceful face. I look back in time to see the Captain's eyes widen at the possibility of losing her best engineer. 

"Can you return her memories to her, Doctor?" Chakotay asks after he glances at the Captain's shell-shocked expression. 

"I'm not sure how I can." 

"Can you use transporter data? She used them less than an hour ago," I provide, hopefully. My stomach is all twisted in knots at never having B'Elanna back again. The Doctor looks to be deep in thought for a moment. When he emerges, he's smiling. 

"Yes, I believe I can. But it will take a little time to create a biological..." the Doctor drifts away to his office; his words follow. He returns with a tray of test tubes. "These should aid me in that. Yes." 

"Except, transporters are down," the Captain helpfully provides. 

"I don't believe I actually need them running. I should be able to use the data from the computer for now. Maybe when I get closer to the cure," he shakes his head, "but not yet." B'Elanna stirs and draws all of their attention. She grabs me by the chest of my jacket and pulls me to her. My brain is on over drive. I can smell her shampoo, her breath, hell, her arousal, but I can't let the command team in on that. 

"Why did you sedate me instead of take me like you promised, SuvwI'?" She growls her question. I blush, feeling my stomach churn at her closeness. I glance at my command team with an expression I hope conveys no-I-swear-I-would-never-promise-her-that. They don't seem to buy it. Chakotay is grinning suggestively. The Captain is giving me a disapproving look. My stomach sinks. 

"B'Elanna. Not now. Later." 

"You're lucky the sedative weakened me." She releases me. "But that's what you wanted, SuvwI'? An easy claim now that you've proven yourself? Clever." She smirks and turns toward the ceiling with her eyes closed. "But you'd better be quick. I won't be weak for long." I take the opportunity to usher my command team and the Doctor into the Doctor's office. 

"You promised to take her?" The Captain asks incredulously. I don't like her tone of voice. It's like she's talking to a teenager who was just caught drinking. 

"I promised to take her to Sick Bay. She misunderstood. She um," I turn my head to the Doctor. "Actually, Doc, do you think you can heal this?" I point at her swollen bite on my cheek. "It's starting to burn." 

"Sorry, Lieutenant. Of course." The Doctor runs a dermal regenerator over my cheek. I continue talking while he does so. 

"She didn't remember who she was and I think she thought my hand on her shoulder when I was trying to get her to stop playing around was some sort of invitation...." The command team is listening raptly, maybe too raptly in fact. They need to get laid, already. Preferably with each other. "She tackled me and bit me. I threw her off, but that just made her er-" I wanted to say hornier but didn't think it was really appropriate to say in front of my commanding officers. "But that just made her initiate a Klingon mating ritual. She said she accepted my challenge. I burned her with the hypospanner and she backed down." I turn to the Doc. "Did you heal that too?" 

"I did." 

"Good." I have nothing more to say but they look at me expectantly anyway. Am I supposed to start dancing now? 

"Well?" The Captain presses. 

"Well what?" 

"Did you win?" Chakotay adds. I blush. I really wasn't planning to tell them. Hell, I don't think I'd planned to tell Harry either. 

"When I threw her off of me the third or so time while she was trying to climb up me to take the hypospanner away, I managed to pin her to the catwalk in engineering and she admitted defeat. So yes. I did win." Chakotay whistles. 

"So what stopped you?" Damnit, he's doing this on purpose. 

"I couldn't. She's sick. The Doctor said so." 

"But you weren't sure of that until now," Chakotay counters. _What. The. Hell._ Does he want me to sleep with his best friend? 

"No, I wasn't." The Captain claps me on the shoulder. 

"We may make an honorable man out of you yet, Tom." I smile warily at her wide smile. _I_ think I've proven I'm already an honorable man. My actions with B'Elanna only prove that. Maybe she'd be glad I'd said no when she gets her memories back. Maybe she'd take it upon herself to repay me...with her body. _Quit that, Tom. Some honorable man you are._

"Sorry to interrupt." The Doctor finishes healing my cut. I work my jaw up and down a few times carefully to restore blood flow. "I'd like to send B'Elanna to her quarters now. She may be able to recover some of her memories in familiar territory." I glance at B'Elanna. She's been quiet the whole time. She's now sitting up in bed. I push myself back into a corner so that she can't see me but I can see her in case I need to make a run for it. 

"Go ahead, Doctor," the Captain responds. 

"Good afternoon, Doctor," Kes bounds into the infirmary. "I had a wonderful lunch with Neelix. Thank you for the extended break." 

"Kes, can you tell B'Elanna she's free to return to her quarters?" I decide it's best to keep out of sight of her and stay in the Doctor's office. I can hear and see her just fine though since I'm in a corner. The command team and I watch as B'Elanna cups her hands over Kes' ears delicately. The Doctor leaves to prepare his test tubes. 

"What are you?" She giggles and takes B'Elanna's hands from her ears. 

"I'm Ocampan, B'Elanna. You know that." 

"No, she doesn't," the Doctor chimes without looking up, "she was attacked by a parasite which leached her of many memories." 

"Am I Ocampan?" 

"No, you're half human and half Klingon." 

"Who else is Klingon here?" 

"Just you." I see her pout slightly. Apparently no one told her that Klingons don't pout. It makes me smile. 

"Who else is human?" Kes looks around the infirmary and spots Chakotay and Kathryn in the windows of the Doctor's office. I'm pretty sure that she doesn't see me and hope she doesn't say my name. 

"Chakotay and the Captain are both human." I see B'Elanna look their way when Kes points at each of them in turn. Her lips curl up in a smirk. 

"Tom's human?" 

"Yes. Would you like to see what you look like before you go back to your quarters? Maybe I can answer any more questions you have?" B'Elanna looks back at Kes and nods. Kes produces a mirror from the other biobed and holds it for B'Elanna to examine herself. Her fingers brush over her lips, the tips of her nose, her big eyebrows and then finally graze over her ridges. 

"What are these?" 

"Klingon forehead ridges. You told me once that you also have some along your spine." _She does?_ I'd always wondered about that. 

"I don't like them." I can't help myself; I laugh. I see B'Elanna's eyes shoot up to me through the bulkhead and she hops off the bed. Chakotay and the Captain are both in the way of my escape. _So much for that._ They don't seem to see the danger I'm in. If I relent, she'll kill me once she regains her memories. If I don't, she'll kill me out of spite. With the Doctor working on her memoires, she will regain them eventually. She tears into the Doctor's office on a warpath. Chakotay and the Captain move out of the way so that she can approach me. She regards my cheek. I vaguely recall that it's an insult to heal a mark. "You healed my mark, bIHnuch?" She doesn't mince words when she's offended. B'Elanna gasps my chin and turns my cheek toward her. Mercifully, Chakotay and the Captain grab either of her arms and pull her away. She struggles but can't escape their combined grip on her. The Doctor presses a hypospray to her neck and she's back like she was with Kes: naïve and uncertain. The Captain and Chakotay release her. I tense in case it's an elaborate ruse, but she doesn't move to pounce. Kes pats her back. 

"B'Elanna, you can go back to her quarters." Kes leads her to the doors of Sick Bay and she steps out. 

"What'd you give her, Doc?" 

"Saltpeter. It's especially effective at curbing Klingon appetites. She'll be fine for the next few hours. I've always wanted to try the compound on a Vulcan during _pon farr_ but have yet to come across one in such a condition." I inwardly groan. 

"Why do you think she's into me all of a sudden?" I ask the Doctor to interrupt his ramblings. 

"What makes you think it's sudden?" Chakotay answers instead. _What does he know?_ "Maybe she's always felt this way." I'm about to retort that I'm pretty damn certain she's never felt this way for me and Chakotay can just shut the hell up when the doors to Sick Bay open again. 

"I don't know where my quarters are." B'Elanna is standing just inside of Sick Bay again. She's leaning from one foot to the other nervously. The Captain looks at me. _Please don't say what I think you're going to say._

"Did engineering give you an estimate on helm repairs?" I shake my head no reluctantly. 

"They didn't know they were down. And since I told B'Elanna...." I sigh. "They probably still don't know." Seeing a way out, I continue, cautiously hopeful. "I should probably go tell them myself actually." 

"Nonsense," she waves her hand and with that, my means of escape flit away. "I'll send someone else down. With so many systems down, we have plenty to spare. I want you to accompany B'Elanna to her quarters and keep an eye on her. See if you can jog any of her memories." 

"But, Captain. She'll attack me again." 

"I'm sure you can fend for yourself." At the moment, I'm not too certain. "Unless, of course, you don't want to." How is she allowed to say that? Chakotay chuckles softly. I want to shout at both of them: Conduct unbecoming a senior officer! The Doctor presses a hypospray into my palm. 

"For when B'Elanna's in the mood for À La Tom Paris." I groan, throwing my head back dramatically. Blast that Klingon appetite of hers! I right myself to take the hypospray with a glare from the smug Doctor—who the hell gave him the ability to be smug anyway?—and then stalk out to B'Elanna. 

"Come on," I say gruffly without stopping. I expect her to follow me and if she doesn't then.... Too. Fucking. Bad. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if I missed any awkward verbs. I'd originally written the story in third person (he/him/his) but decided Tom thinks too much and thought first person (I/me/my-mine) would work better.


	2. Interlude - Kathryn

Never in my life have I seen a man so caught off guard as Tom when B'Elanna grasped his shirt and questioned his motives. I found myself questioning them too. The wording was all too obviously sexual. While the two of them get along well as friends, I'd always suspected that to be Harry's doing. Seems noone can bring themselves to fight in front of Starfleet's Golden Boy. I waited until he'd ushered the three of us into the Doctor's office, lest B'Elanna hear something she shouldn't. 

"You promised to take her?" 

"I promised to take her to Sick Bay. She misunderstood. She um," he turns his head to the Doctor. "Actually, Doc, do you think you can heal this?" He points to a bite on his cheek that I admit I hadn't noticed before. Chakotay had walked on that side of him when we came down here. "It's starting to burn." The Doctor proceeds to heal him while he tells us about how he came to promising B'Elanna such things. I glance at Chakotay. He doesn't seem overly concerned about the state of things. Hell, he'd practically been giggling when B'Elanna woke up. I wonder if B'Elanna had said anything to him about Tom. Tom finishes his story, but I get the sense he hasn't told us everything. Call it Captain's instinct. 

"Well?" 

"Well what?" I'm not quite sure what. I just know that there's something more to be said. Chakotay jumps in, always at my back. I wonder how I'd ever been a captain without him as first officer. 

"Did you win?" Tom blushes as red as an M-class star and looks away. I'd not been sure he could still do that, what with his entire playboy flirt routine. 

"When I threw her off of me the third or so time while she was trying to climb up me to take the hypospanner away, I managed to pin her to the catwalk in engineering and she admitted defeat. So yes. I did win." Chakotay whistles. I sense he's out for blood. 

"So what stopped you?" _The Maquis Mauler strikes!_

"I couldn't. She's sick. The Doctor said so." 

"But you weren't sure of that until now," Chakotay counters. I barely contain a chuckle. 

"No, I wasn't." I'll admit, I'm impressed. I clap him on the shoulder firmly. 

"We may make an honorable man out of you yet, Tom." Tom smiles warily at me. 

"Sorry to interrupt." The Doctor finishes healing Tom's cut. Tom works his jaw up and down a few times. "I'd like to send B'Elanna to her quarters now. She may be able to recover some of her memories in familiar territory." Tom pushes himself back into a corner after risking a glance at B'Elanna. I look over at Chakotay. He has a smirk on the side of his mouth that Tom can't see. I take a small step back, subtly blocking Tom's escape. 

"Go ahead, Doctor," I input. Kes greets the Doctor happily as she walks into Sick Bay. He asks Kes to tell B'Elanna she's free to return to her quarters. We all watch and listen as B'Elanna discovers our species. 

"I don't like them." At that piece of truth about her ridges, I hear Tom laugh. _Wrong move._ It happens in slow motion. B'Elanna's eyes shoot up to him through the bulkhead like she can burn a hole through it and she hops off the bed. Chakotay and I remain where we are, but step aside when B'Elanna strides in. She regards his cheek. "You healed my mark, bIHnuch?" She grasps his chin and turns his cheek toward her aggressively. Feeling guilty, I gesture for Chakotay to help me. Together we grab her arms and pull her away. She struggles but can't escape. The Doctor reaches between us with a hypospray. She relaxes when it hisses against her neck. I let go of her and Chakotay does the same. 

"B'Elanna, you can go back to her quarters." Kes leads her to the doors of Sick Bay and she steps out. Tom asks about what the Doctor's done and interrupts his rambling with a more interesting question, one I'm sure he's curious about. 

"What makes you think it's sudden?" Chakotay answers instead. Again I wonder. "Maybe she's always felt this way." 

"I don't know where my quarters are." B'Elanna returns to Sick Bay again. I look at Tom. He hadn't taken advantage of her before when she was literally climbing him; he won't do it now. I don't want to risk sending anyone else to care for B'Elanna. First, B'Elanna is going to hate herself enough as it is that she was all over Paris. Second, Tom knows what he's getting into. Despite what he likes to make people believe, he's a sweet guy. He'll go down in a fight for a friend. That's what he did for Chakotay's crew not too long ago and I don't even think he was friends with anyone then. 

"Did engineering give you an estimate on helm repairs?" He shakes his head. 

"They didn't know they were down. And since I told B'Elanna...." He sighs. "They probably still don't know. I should probably go tell them myself actually." 

"Nonsense," I wave my hand. I should probably tell him why I needed to send him with her, but I'm under no obligation to. Captain's privilege. "I'll send someone else down. With so many systems down, we have plenty to spare. I want you to accompany B'Elanna to her quarters and keep an eye on her. See if you can jog any of her memories." 

"But, Captain. She'll attack me again." He almost sounds scared. Time to encourage him. 

"I'm sure you can fend for yourself." I pause for effect. "Unless, of course, you don't want to." His eyes are fuming, and I'm sure I've won. That's the thing with Tom, he'll take any bet, even the ones that aren't really a bet, and be sure he wins. He'll go with her just to prove me wrong. Chakotay chuckles softly. He knows my ploy, I'm sure. The Doctor presses a hypospray into Tom's palm. 

"For when B'Elanna's in the mood for À La Tom Paris." When Tom groans dramatically, it's all I can do not to start laughing. The Doctor has really outdone his humor programming. Tom snatches the hypospray with a glare and then stalks out to B'Elanna. 

"Come on." 

Chakotay and I follow Tom out of Sick Bay a few moments later. I pause and look down the corridor at my grumpy helmsman. He's still stalking. B'Elanna is walking politely next to him, watching him curiously. 

"Never thought I'd be playing matchmaker one day." I look to Chakotay and start walking back toward the bridge. He walks beside me. 

"You never played matchmaker in highschool? Or at the Academy?" I laugh and I'm sure he can see I'm amused. 

"No, I was _studying_. What about you?" 

"I was too busy studying...or chasing tail." 

"That, I'd like to see." I'm certain what he thinks I want to see, but he's wrong. 

"Me chasing tail?" Trapped him. 

"No," I hit his arm playfully, "studying." He looks ahead of us with a grin. 

"You sure? It's not as interesting as chasing tail." I shake my head. Of course I know that. 

"Just think, if they get together, we'll have integrated the crew alright." It's rather comedic. 

"Absolutely, your misfit and my best crew member. Who would have known?" 

"You did." We step into the turbolift together and I request Deck 1. 

"Well, yes. I saw how he looked at her when they were on my ship together. Although, he looked at everyone with a pair of breasts that way." I chuckle. 

"Why am I not surprised?" 

"I'm surprised he doesn't do the same here. That's when I knew." I sigh. I want to ask him what he knows of B'Elanna's feeling for Tom, but now is not the place. 

"It's only a matter of time before this ship becomes a generational ship." I see Chakotay nod from the corner of my eye. 

"It will happen faster if a certain Captain joins them." His dimples make him look harmless, but I know a setup when I see one. I punch his arm just before the turbolift opens to the bridge. If we weren't on the bridge, I'd might have flirted a little, just for the hell of it. But his comment was too loaded. I expect flirting now would cause him an uncomfortable shift. I'm not cruel. 


	3. B'Elanna

"Come on," Tom says to her without stopping. She realizes he wants her to follow him. Desire curls in her stomach, but it's less intense than it was a few moments ago. She can fight it down and simply follow the tall blond man in front of her. She licks her lips, wondering just how blond he is. The desire jumps for a moment but she recognizes the threat on her self-control and pushes it back down. _Best not to think about that then._ She follows him down a corridor she doesn't recognize. B'Elanna watches him as they step into a turbolift and shoot downwards. He's still angry. She thought—hoped—that it was just a show for the important looking people in red—_the Captain and Chakotay_, her mind provides curtesy of the Ocampan. They continue down another corridor. Tom suddenly stops outside a door. "Deck nine, section twelve: your quarters." He presses a single button and gestures for her to go inside. 

"My quarters?" She peers inside, but can't see too much. The dim lighting is vastly different from the bright corridor. 

"Yes. Go inside." She steps tentatively inside. 

"Lights, eighty percent illumination," Tom calls from behind her. She blinks and when she opens her eyes, the cabin is filled with light. Her eyes scan the room as she steps in further. She hears the door shut and turns to see Tom behind her, watching her. B'Elanna returns her gaze to the room before her. She sees a fluffy green blanket thrown over the back of a small beige couch. There are some clothes lying on the floor in the corner. They look to have been thrown there. Her bed is made. The pillows sit upright against the wall at attention. There is a PADD on her nightstand and several more on her coffee table. She meanders to the coffee table and turns a few of them on. She can tell that they are all about engineering, but she can't tell what their importance is. She doesn't recognize half of the words on the PADDs. She goes to her nightstand and looks at that PADD. It's a novel that she doesn't remember the beginning of. At the moment, the heroine is sneaking out of her paramilitary bunker to rendezvous with the enemy and her secret lover. She sets the PADD down. She doesn't want to spoil it since she'll have to read it again. She drifts to the clothes on the floor. B'Elanna picks them up and smells them to find out if they are clean. They smell sharp and acrid, like they were near something burning. 

"Those are probably dirty. Toss them in the recycler," Tom directs her. She looks around for this 'recycler'. There's a machine set into the bulkhead next to her. She guesses that must be it. She places them in there. Tom doesn't stop her, but he's not looking at her. He goes to her bed and digs under the closest pillow for a moment. He pulls out a pair of pajamas and puts them on the bed covers. She wonders how he knew to look there. "You'll be more comfortable in those." He gestures to the clothes on the bed. When she doesn't start right away, he adds with his hands held defensively, palms out, "don't worry, I won't watch you." Then he goes to the couch and props his feet up on the armrest furthest from her so that his back is to her. She starts to undress, but can't figure out how the hell to get out of her clothing. It's all one material; there's nowhere for her to put her hands under the top and pull it over her head or to pull the bottom down her hips. She growls and pulls at the fabric near her waist aggressively. 

"How do I get out of this?" Tom turns his head to her. She sees that he looks surprised. Then he shakes his head. 

"You're wearing a jumpsuit. There's a zipper on the front." She locates a small metal handle at the top of the uniform and almost starts unzipping it but an idea strikes her. She puts her hands at her side and goes over to Tom. 

"I can't find it. Please, help me." Tom looks up at her, eyes the hypospray on the coffee table in front of her, and then warily stands up to meet her. His hands are shaky when they reach for her collarbone. 

"It's kind of hidden." She feels his hands clasp onto the metal and he begins to pull it down. The zipper goes down her chest, and then over her stomach, but stops short of her hips. He backs away, looking down. "You can unzip the rest. It goes down your left leg." She looks at him, curious. He's blushing. _If he feels this way, why did he turn me down?_ She's still angry that he healed her mark, but right now she has enough control to keep the desire to mark him at bay. She finds the zipper and continues from where he left off. It unzips easily to about halfway down her leg. She looks up at him. He's sitting on the couch again, watching her. When she catches him, he looks away. She slides the sleeves of her 'jumpsuit' off her arms. She doesn't care if he watches her; actually, she'd prefer that he did. She lets the jumpsuit fall to the floor and then works her hands under the hem of her turtleneck and pulls it over her head. She steps out of her jumpsuit and then stoops to pick up it up. She looks up to see Tom watching her again. He looks away. She stands and pretends that she didn't just catch him. She walks to her bed, sure to sway her hips carefully. She's certain she has his attention. 

"Why did you turn me down, Tom? You obviously want something." She asks casually as she grabs the waistband of her bra and pulls it over her head. She risks a glance. He's not watching her anymore. _Damn._

"You're not yourself, B'Elanna." 

"I'm perfectly fine. I feel just fine." She feels alive. Her limbs sing and tingle. She wants Tom to hold her mostly naked body. She runs her hand across her stomach. Her skin feels electric and she can only dream what his hands could do to her. She looks back over to see him staring at a PADD. Frustrated, she shakes out the pajamas to figure out what kind of clothes they are. There are two parts: a long sleeve shirt and a pair of long pants. The blue fabric is soft against her skin. She slides the shirt over her head and slips her arms through the sleeves. The pants go on next. 

"No, you're sick. You had a parasite eating your memories. If you were fine, you'd have kicked me out as soon as I got you here. And you certainly wouldn't have gotten undressed like that in front of me." She smirks. 

"You liked the show?" He hesitates. 

"Yes." 

"Then what's so difficult about all this?" She moves to the couch and looks at him. He looks back at her. 

"You're just not B'Elanna, okay?" She's disappointed, but she doesn't push him. She collects the PADD from her nightstand and then returns to the couch. She gestures for him to move his feet. He folds them and she sits down. She wants to pull his feet into her lap but doesn't think he'll appreciate it. He'll probably decide to leave her then, which isn't what she wants. She starts reading from the beginning but she can't focus with Tom near her. B'Elanna vaguely wonders if whatever the Doctor gave her is wearing off. She doesn't _feel_ sex-crazed right now, but maybe it could still sneak up on her. She puts her PADD down on the coffee table as she sighs. That catches Tom's attention. "What is it, B'Elanna?" Her eyes look over the engineering PADDs in front of her that she should understand. 

"Tell me about myself. What am I like? What do I like? Who are my friends? Am I dating anyone?" That could explain why Tom's so reluctant to hold her. Tom sits up higher on the couch and rests a PADD on his thigh. 

"Well, you're half-Klingon." She glares at him, but he laughs. "And you use that _exact_ glare all the time: on me, on Chakotay, on Seven, on your engineers, on the Doctor, on the Captain when she's not looking." 

"Tell me something I don't know." 

"Well, you have a temper. The loudest temper I've ever seen." He looks at her in a way that makes her think he finds her temper endearing. She looks away, embarrassed, and listens while looking at the PADDs on the coffee table. "Everyone on this ship knows when to hold you at arm's length. I know for a fact that you _love_ chocolate." She has the feeling that if she looked at him now, he'd be looking at her like he had earlier. "I personally like vanilla. It goes with everything." She realizes that this is an opportunity to learn what he likes as much as learn how much he knows about her. "Um, you're friends with some of the Maquis: Chakotay, Ayala, Henley I think. Then you're also friends with me and Harry. You're just a little more than acquaintances with the Captain, but I bet that's mostly because Chakotay is heads-over-heals in love with her and likes to drag her everywhere." He's quiet for a little while. "You aren't dating anyone." The way his sentence lingers in the air between them makes her think he'd been thinking of adding a 'yet' to the end of it. 

"What else?" 

"What else...." She risks a look at him. He's staring at the ceiling, thinking probably. "You're a hell of an engineer. You don't really like that you're Klingon. Your mother forced it on you too much. You told so me back in the Vidiian mines—" 

"Vidiian mines?" He looks back at her with shock. 

"You don't remember?" She shakes her head. "Probably for the best then." 

"Tell me?" 

"Sure? It wasn't shore leave." 

"I'm sure." _About a lot of things,_ she tells herself. 

"They captured me, Pete Durst, and you. They put me and Durst in the mines right away, but they took you somewhere else. I didn't see you again until the third day. Only," he chuckles to himself, "you weren't yourself then either. They'd done something to you. The Doctor explained it when he fixed you. If you want specifics, you'll have to ask him. They managed to split you into two people. The human B'Elanna was in the caves with us. We didn't find out until later, but Klingon B'Elanna was in a lab being experimented on. The Vidiians suffer from the phage. It's a disease that kills off all of their organs so they take organs from others to survive. The Vidiian scientist thought that your Klingon DNA held a cure, but he needed a pure Klingon to test." B'Elanna let everything sink in. She remembers wanting to be human as a little girl. She never dreamed it would come true. It's too bad she couldn't remember anything. The memory of the little girl staring at a foggy mirror, furiously and desperately rubbing a pumice stone to her forehead hits her like a rock in a pond. She glimpses a few other hazy memories, but can't quite piece them together and isn't all too sure that they're hers to begin with. They could just as easily be dreams. 

"I wish I could remember what I looked like human." Tom shrugs. 

"About the same as you do now, minus the ridges. You didn't actually like it that much. You said you felt weak and a little lonely. The calmness was unsettling too. I think you were secretly glad when the Doctor insisted that he return you to normal. You rely on the mixed-species proteins to live." 

"Tell me about you." 

"About me?" 

"Yeah. Stop double checking with me. I'm not going to change my answer." He grins at her. 

"I'm just checking if you've suddenly decided to regain your memory all of a sudden." 

"I didn't _decide_ to lose it in the first place." He shrugs. She wants to strangle him. 

"Coulda fooled me." She shoves him instead. "Alright, alright. Testy today are we?" He adds when he sees her glower. "No need to answer. I'm _Voyager's_ pilot. Disgraced pilot really. _Voyager_'s original pilot died when we got thrown into the Delta Quadrant." B'Elanna wants to ask about how that happened, but she wants to hear about Tom more first. "I was doing time at the Auckland Penitentiary when Captain Janeway found me. She took me on as an observer to help her find all of you in the Maquis. I'd served with you for a month before I was captured. That's what put me in Auckland in the first place. Them capturing me is probably what kept you safe. What else do you want to know?" 

"What do you like? Who are your friends? Are you dating anyone?" Maybe that was why he held her at a distance. 

"You aren't trying to woo me now are you?" She glares. He chuckles and continues. "I like fixing old cars, playing my Captain Proton holonovel with Harry, um, flying _Voyager_ and the _Delta Flyer_.... Oh! I fucking love tomato soup, but the replicator never seems to get it right. All I want is plain, hot tomato soup. Sometimes I get spicy soup, sometimes it's cold, sometimes I get basil." He groans and throws his hands up in the air. The motion makes his PADD fall off his lap but he doesn't reach down to grab it. If she remembered how to be an engineer, she'd try fixing the replicators for him. She glances over at the PADDs strewn on the coffee table. _Maybe I still can...._ She looks back at Tom, listening and forming a plan. "You and Harry are just about the only friends I have. I guess Kes counts. Chakotay isn't cold to me anymore. I-I'm not dating anyone." There was that unsaid 'yet' again. She leans back against the couch and picks up her romance PADD again. She wonders what Tom is reading but isn't sure she'd find it interesting anyway. Her mind works away at how she might try fixing the replicators for Tom. 

B'Elanna's halfway through the second chapter before she realizes she doesn't quite feel right. Lieutenants Yana and William have just met each other to say goodbye and from the direction of their hands, they'll be saying more than that tonight. She growls lowly in her throat in anticipation but she doesn't notice until Tom says something to her. 

"B'Elanna? You alright?" She nods her head aggressively, nearly giving herself a headache. 

"I'm fine." Her voice sounds husky. She tries again after a breath. "I'm fine." It's better this time. She feels him shift next to her and looks up to see what he's doing. He's reaching for the hypospray on the coffee table. She growls and kicks his hand away. The PADD falls to the floor, forgotten momentarily. 

"Ow!" He clutches his wrist. "B'Elanna!" Her name on his lips makes her wild. She wants to draw it out of him when she's towering over her, lost to this world as much as he will be. He's eyeing her suspiciously. Surely, he sees the fire behind her eyes. Surely he wants to give in. "B'Elanna, no." She can't think straight with him saying her name. She needs to mark him again. "I know what you're thinking." She needs to taste his blood and writhe against him. "You don't want this." 

"Oh, but I do." She's turned her body to face him, sitting on her knees and ready to tackle him, but happy to toy with him for now. "Don't you see? I can't remember any reason not to want you. That means the _real_ B'Elanna wants you too and is just too, I don't know, cowardly or proud to admit it." A look of hope crosses his features. Her stomachs flutter and her finger tips pulse. If she stood, she knew she'd be wobbly. A brief thought of how the _real_ B'Elanna manages to push this urge down all the time crosses her mind. Then she sees his eyes light up with desire, then determination as he processes her words. Clearly he hadn't thought of them before. She throws her head back, laughing and giving him an opening she knows he'll take. She hears him shift forward and closes her eyes in anticipation. Blood pounds in her ears. Instead of his teeth, she hears the angry hiss of a hypospray against her neck. She growls just as angrily and yanks her head back, but already her lust is falling. 

"Tom Paris isn't on the menu tonight." She blinks, once, twice, at the ceiling. Then she brings her face level with Tom's. He's only a few inches away. Before everything is gone, she presses a kiss to his soft, slightly chapped lips. He actually kisses her back for several moments, even slips a curious tongue past her lips, before pulling away, flushed. "I-I'm sorry." 

"I'm not." He looks up at her. 

"I should get going. I'm sure the Doctor doesn't need me to watch you sleep." He's standing up slowly as if he wants her to stop him. She doesn't know what that would accomplish. He's turned her down twice—_three times?_—now and probably won't actually let her push them farther. He leaves then. B'Elanna watches his retreating form while her hormones fall back into check. She doesn't like being all over the place. 

"Computer, time?" 

"It is 2043." It's hardly time for bed. She sighs and collects herself enough to sift through the engineering PADDS. She finds one that looks unimportant and uses it to look for a replicator manual. Finding it, she reads through the table of contents. She doesn't know what she's looking for but hopes she'll know it when she sees it. _There: **Chapter 7: Resetting a Malfunctioning Replicator System**_. She presses on the chapter heading and watches the previous chapters scroll past her screen at warp speed. Eventually the scrolling stops at the beginning of the chapter. She reads. After about thirty minutes, she's certain she can fix the replicator system from her room. All replicators share the same system. That circuitry can be accessed from a panel beneath the main unit. There's a diagram showing the panel. She combs her room thinking that an engineer would feel naked without her tools nearby. She's rewarded for her troubles when she spots a toolkit under her bed. She pulls it out with a grin and settles down in front of the replicator with her legs crossed. The toolkit open to her right. The PADD propped up against the bulkhead to her left. She selects the most likely tool for removing the panel and begins to remove it. Once it's free, she sets it to lean against the right side of the replicator. 

"Let's see. 'To access the replicator system circuitry...'" She reads a little further. "'The replicator system requires the authorization code of either head security, the captain, the first officer, the chief medical officer, or the chief engineer to be reset.'" She wonders if the first thing that popped to mind is her authorization code. She presses a five digit number into the console keyboard and hopes for the best. After a moment, the system beeps and her name with position scroll across the red and black ticker. A red light near the bottom turns green. She smiles to herself. "'Once authority has been established, connect the lowermost red line to the uppermost red line. Be wary of the green livewire near the top of the neuro-gelpak.'" B'Elanna surveys the organized section of wires and gelpak in front of her. She spots the red wires she needs. They are the only two red wires, which makes this part simple. She uncurls the lower red wire's ends from the copper socket and holds it while she reads the rest of the instructions. "'Hold the lower red line to the upper red line for a count of thirty seconds. After which time, the green light at the bottom will flash rapidly and shut off. When it shuts off, reconnect the lower wire to its original socket.'" _Simple enough._ She touches the exposed wire end to the upper socket and waits. After her thirty seconds, the ticker screen gives her a message: Unable to restart system - Procedure restricted by B'Elanna Torres. She frowns. She doesn't remember restricting the procedure. She skims over the instructions, but doesn't see anything on restricted procedures. _Must be an advanced trick._ She doesn't believe her previous aptitude. It feels like a far off dream where all the details are muddy. She reconnects the wire endings to the copper socket and closes the panel with disappointment. 


	4. Tom

After telling B'Elanna as much as I know about her, she asked her next round of questions: What was I like? She'd even asked if I am dating anyone. That shouldn't have come as a surprise since she had asked if she is dating anyone. I'm sure she's trying to figure out why I'm so reluctant to be with her. I should have just told her that we are both seeing someone else, but I don't have it in me to lie. Her memories, not to mention my chance at happiness rely on the truth. When she doesn't have anymore questions we went back to reading. I can't concentrate. I'd taken one of the unimportant looking engineering PADDs from her table and backtracked it to the public computer to find a holonovel to read. 

I happily found myself physically reading _20,000 Leagues Under the Sea_, even if I find my mind wandering so much that I have to reread what I just read every few sentences. If Jules Verne can't distract me from the soft, blue-clad engineer at my feet, I'm not sure anything can. My mind keeps drifting to how vulnerable she had been earlier. If I wasn't such an honorable man, tonight would have been very different. Hell, I glance up, she still looks vulnerable. I admire her focus on the PADD in front of her. Her feet curl up against the couch toward me. Our toes are only a few inches apart. If we both wiggled them at the same time, they'd touch. Her elbow is propped on the arm so she can hold her PADD comfortably. Her thumb scrolls the PADD down every so often and the fingers of her other hand draw lazy patterns on her calf. It wouldn't take much to get her attention. I could wiggle my toes against her leg, look at her daringly, and wait for her to set her PADD down and crawl over to me. I already know she's interested. Or I could set my PADD down behind me on the armrest where my movements would be out of her line of sight. I'd do the crawling over then with dark eyes and wet lips. She'd look up, surprised at first, but then her eyes would darken and she'd lick her lips. _Damnit, stop that._ I glue my eyes back to the PADD and force myself to read. Just as I'm getting into the swing of the novel, almost forgetting where I am, I hear B'Elanna growl. I look up, concerned. It occurs to me, that I have no idea what she's reading. Maybe it's horror, maybe it's romance, maybe it's porn. 

"B'Elanna? You alright?" I ask warily. 

"I'm fine," her voice is gruff, like she just woke up. She tries again. "I'm fine." This time it's smoother, but not by much. I eye the hypospray. When I move to grab it, she growls and kicks my hand away. I drop the PADD when I clutch my wrist. _Sorry, Verne._

"Ow! B'Elanna!" I scold her like she's five years old and in a kicking phase. Her eyes are as dark as I'd imagined them to be. "B'Elanna, no." I use my least threatening voice. "I know what you're thinking. You don't want this." 

"Oh, but I do." She's facing me on her knees. "Don't you see? I can't remember any reason not to want you. That means the _real_ B'Elanna wants you too and is just too, I don't know, cowardly or proud to admit it." I hadn't thought of it that way. She makes a good argument. B'Elanna throws her head back then, laughing and giving me an opening when she sees my eyes light up. I move forward. When her eyes close I grab the hypospray gently from the table. Blood pounds in my ears. I could forget the hypospray: kiss her instead. I could bite her, mark her. That seems to be what she wants. As much as I want to, I can't. She's like she was in the mines. Only this time there aren't two of her. She just doesn't have the self control to integrate both halves so she's wavering between the two extremes. I press the hypospray against her neck. She growls and yanks her head back, but I know I've won. Recalling the Doctor's joke, I make my own. 

"Tom Paris isn't on the menu tonight." She's looking at the ceiling. Then she brings her face level with mine. My heart is still pounding from adrenaline, desire, and pain. She's only a few inches away. It would be so easy to steal a kiss. Before I can, she presses her head forward to kiss me. My eyes shut when her lips touch mine. I manage to keep my hands away from her, knowing that if I let myself touch her, I won't let her go. I slip my tongue past her lips easily, before pulling away, realizing what I'm doing and who—or rather—who I'm _not_ doing it with. "I-I'm sorry." 

"I'm not." I study her expression for any sign of distrust or anger. I find none. There's only calm desire. The kind that forces people to smother kittens with love cuddles. 

"I should get going. I'm sure the Doctor doesn't need me to watch you sleep." I want her to call me back. I want her to tell me again, now, that she wants me like she had in the corridors. I've managed to associate her lustful side with her Klingon half and her naïve side with her human half. Her Klingon half already made herself clear. Now I just need to hear it from her human half. She doesn't grab my hand or call my name though. I walk out, dazed and shaky. I need a drink. 

When her door closes behind me, I contemplate my choices. There's the opportunity for a drink with Harry, a drink alone, a few hours with Ricky, a solitary evening, a few steps back into B'Elanna's arms.... _No._ I go to my quarters for a solitary evening, not trusting that I can control myself once I start drinking and not wanting Ricky's company. 

The next day isn't much different. Helm is working again, thankfully, but the Captain informs us that B'Elanna is not working in Engineering until she regains her memories. Carry reports for B'Elanna's department. I tune him out. His report is more for the Captain and Chakotay than it is for me. Even still, I can see the Captain grow slightly board. B'Elanna's reports are usually lively, punctuated with the occasional swear and curses on someone's ancestry for their incompetence. The meeting ends quickly but the Captain calls me over as Chakotay leaves for the bridge. 

"How is she?" I want to retort that she should ask the Doctor since I'm still upset at her for trapping me with her. She looks concerned though, and I can't muster the vile needed for such a comment. 

"Fine. She asked about herself and myself, trying to remember. We spent the evening reading." She nods and pats my chest twice. 

"Good. I'd like you to check up on her again. The Doctor suggested bringing as many people around to see her as possible." 

"Happy to help." I force a smile and she lets me leave. 

"Thank you, Tom." That's how it goes for the rest of the week: meeting with boring Carey, navigation through silent skies in which we stop for the infrequent scientific curiosity, lunch with Harry, more navigation, dinner with B'Elanna in the mess or in her room, quiet conversation, cold shower, bed. Each day she seems a little more determined to avoid the hypospray. She isn't confined to quarters as far as I know but she's usually there when I come around and I thankfully never run into her any other time on ship. I've taken to having transporter staff locate B'Elanna within her quarters precisely. I don't think she knows that I can do that so she's always incredibly frustrated when I manage to grab her waist and press a hypospray to her neck or bicep. There's no word from the Doctor on whether he's going to be successful or not. So each day I feel myself resign to this fate a little more: B'Elanna will never be the same again and I will never be happy without her. 

On Monday, almost two weeks after B'Elanna lost her memories, I go through the routine of having transporter staff locate B'Elanna. A voice I recognize vaguely as one of Tuvok's more trusted security staff answers. B'Elanna is just inside the door on the right. I thank her as I shift the hypospray to my left so my right is free to grab B'Elanna's waist. When I open the door, I spring into action. But I hesitate when I meet thick yellow cloth. _She's wearing a scarf! Shit._ She wrestles for the hypospray with a growl. I can't get her arm either. She has armor: thick chainmail. _The fuck?_ I don't have time to wonder how she got that, nor laugh at how she looks in the ridiculous getup before she grasps the hypospray and hurtles it across the room. I'll be lucky if I can find it with her tailing me. Luckier still if it's undamaged. She manages to spin me and press my arm behind my back like I'm the enemy. She licks my ear like I'm not. I'm reminded of how I'd hoped to be rewarded in Sick Bay that day. 

"You can't subdue me so easily, SuvwI'." Her voice is husky and hot against my ear. My body responds automatically with a twitch in my trousers. I groan as her teeth dig into my shoulder through my uniform. When she pulls her mouth up and starts nibbling my neck, I'm sure my uniform red has a wet crescent shape of her teeth. Her chainmail—_seriously?_—clinks together as she moves behind me. I can feel the volume of the ridiculous scarf too. Either way, my body feels hot and constrained. She licks and kisses at the nape of my neck. I shudder. I haven't reacted this strongly to a woman since I was seventeen. It's heady. I use my free hand to squeeze her thigh. That makes her release my arm and I spin around when her mouth is clear of my neck. 

Her stare is impossibly dark. Her lips are red in an attractive contrast to the yellow scarf. I run my hands up her thighs and then her hips. She steps closer. Her eyebrows go up when she feels my erection. Her hips grind softly. I bite back a groan. My hands fly to the plush of the scarf to unwind it from her neck and toss it aside. It's softer than it looks. I know I should find the hypospray but I also know it would be pointless. With a hand at the nape of her neck and another around her waist I pull her into a desperate kiss. She moans her pleasure as we collide and kisses me back. 

She's fighting for control, but I won't give it to her. When she starts using her hips as part of the kiss I break away. The chainmail has got to go. It looks enough like a shirt that I search for a hem at her waist. When I find it, I pull the whole contraption over her head. Her arms lift to help me. The metal clicks against itself when I drop it to the side. She's wearing the top of her pajamas. I find the hem of them too and lift them over her head. She's smirking when her face reemerges. She isn't wearing a bra. Without second-guessing myself, I drop my head so that I can take a nipple into my mouth. I pull her breast in as far as I can. A hand tangles in my hair and for a moment I think she's going to pull me away, but instead she moans and closes her fingers around my hair tighter. The tug on my scalp delights me. I groan and migrate to her other breast. My hand covers the one I abandoned, running spirals in and out but never over her nipple directly as my tongue flicks her other nipple. My penis throbs; this isn't yet fast enough. 

I wrap my hands around her back and butt and pick her up as I lift my head away from her chest. She gasps. In five long strides, I'm at the foot of her bed, depositing her on it. While I'm still standing, I strip frantically. She does the same on the bed, tossing her pants and then her underwear over the side of it. She lays back with her hands over her head, her legs parted slightly, and her face longing. I crawl between her legs until my hips are aligned with hers. I'm about to press a finger into her when she grabs my penis and my hips with either hand. She's guiding me into her. When we're close enough, I push into her slowly, not entirely trusting she's ready. My fears are unneeded as I slip in easily once her hand leaves. Her eyes flutter closed and she lets out a soft sigh. I wonder how long it's been for her. My pelvis hits hers and I'm content for the moment. The pressure of her walls around me sends tingles of pleasure through my spine and into my scalp each time her heart beats. 

Her legs are on either side of me. I pick them up and place them over my shoulders. They steady me as I begin moving in and out of her. She's grinding her hips against me, trying to be stimulated enough. She's quiet, clearly not getting enough. I slide my right hand down her inner thigh and rest my thumb on her clitoris. While I thrust, her body moves under it slightly. She yelps. Emboldened, I slow down enough to focus and rub gentle circles over her clitoris with my thumb. The angle strains my wrist. There's no way I could do this for long enough. I remove my hand and let her legs fall to her whimpers, stopping my thrusting and pulling away enough to give myself room. I put my hand between her legs and use the pads of all three fingers on her clitoris. I tap them without letting them leave her skin, just changing the pressure. Then I resume gentle circles on a pressure she seems to like. Her hips are threatening to pull away from me, but I don't want to loose the connection. I tilt and thrust my hips. She yelps again when I'm more firmly imbedded. I move my hand quicker. She's moaning loudly: aahs and oohs that make my skin tingle. She's beautiful like this. Her hips thrust up with a yell and stay there while her hands fly to my arms and squeeze. I slow my circles and the pressure until she grasps my hand and throws it off of her body when her hips land on the bed with a _thwump_. Her eyes are closed still when her hands fall on the bed. She's breathing heavy. I watch her beautiful form. Her dark hair fans out on the pillows like a halo. Her whole body looks flush. She radiates warmth. I bend between her legs and rest my body on hers to kiss her cheek before hovering my face a few inches from hers. She turns, opens her eyes to locate me, and then kisses my lips. When her hands find my back, I start to move my body again slowly. The ferocity of earlier has left somewhat. She moans into the kiss when I thrust particularly hard. My balls feel tight. Hitting her ass in the process only makes them tighter. I break the kiss to rest my head in the crook of her neck. She settles herself in mine as well. Our torsos are sliding along each other, slick with sweat. I can feel her pebbled nipples against my skin. I move faster, holding her body to mine and just thrust my hips. I release when I go deep into her, my whole body tight as I shoot into her. She moans, likely feeling the extra warmth, when I do. The universe flies out the window and leaves the two of us alone. 

The buzz of my orgasm fades and I realize with fear what I've just done. This isn't B'Elanna, but it's her body, which I was never fully given permission to. I scramble away from her, uttering "I'm sorry; I'm so sorry," and swearing at myself. I look around the room for my clothes, forgetting for the moment that I put them on the floor at the end of the bed. I spot the hypospray. Do I need it? B'Elanna isn't moving toward me. Hell, she's hardly moving at all. She's sat up, but she's still: eyes watching me. She could be in shock. _What have I done?_ Anguish curls around my heart and stomach sickly. I need to get out. I dress quickly and tell her I can't take her to Sick Bay but the Doctor can help her. I can tell she's listening. She nods, but she doesn't seem to entirely understand what I'm telling her. I can't bring myself to the right words. 

I leave in a rush to—_where should I go, who should I report to?_ At this point I'm just aimlessly stalking the halls. _Tuvok?_ I don't want to face him. He'll never admit it, but he has a soft, fatherly spot for the young women on _Voyager_. Telling him would be like telling her father. You just don't do that. I enter a turbolift and ask for Deck 1. I need to tell the Captain. Inside the turbolift is peaceful. I can almost imagine I'm just heading to my shift. I sigh and run my hands through my hair, hoping to tame any bed-head. The tug on my scalp reminds me of B'Elanna's fingers and I yank my hands away like I need to stand at attention suddenly. My chest is tight and painful with what I need to do, but I know I have to protect her from myself. 

The turbolift opens to the bridge. Harry, on Beta this week, glances at me with a question in his eyes. I stalk to the Captain's ready room. She was on Alpha with me today so that means Chakotay is working command for Beta alone. She'll be reviewing reports for most of Beta in her ready room like usual. Chakotay eyes me as I pass within his sight but he doesn't question my advance on the ready room. For all he knows, I have an appointment. I press the buzzer with my heart in my throat. 

"Enter." She sounds casual, almost relieved to have something other than reports to occupy her time. I step inside enough for the door to close behind me and block the sounds of the bridge from our ears. That throws me off every time. Her ready room is soundproofed so that it can be used to discuss classified matters among senior staff. "Tom." She looks happy to see me. I step forward and hesitate at her desk, wondering if it would be better to sit or to stand. Deciding I don't deserve the comfort of a chair, I clasp my hands together behind my back and look at her. 

"I'd like to report a crime." She purses her lips. She rests the PADD in her hand on the table and gestures for the chair in front of her. I take it only because it would be rude not to, but my body remains at attention. 

"Oh? Normally one goes to Chief of Security with crime reports." It isn't stated as a question, but it's clear that she's asking for an explanation as to why I skipped protocol and went directly to her. 

"It would be difficult for the Chief of Security to hear this." That seems to be enough. She nods her head. 

"Go ahead." Suddenly, I don't know how to say it. I haven't even thought it to myself without skirting around the words. 

"I—" I drop my gaze to my hands in my lap but am careful to keep my voice audible. Repeating would be worse. "I raped B'Elanna." It comes out in a rush. She doesn't respond. I risk looking up. Her lips are pursed, her eyes are questioning, and her body is stiff. 

"Explain." _Where do I start?_ I start from the beginning. 

"I went to B'Elanna to take her to the mess but before I entered, I asked the transporter chief where she was. She said B'Elanna was to the right of her door. So I put the hypospray in my left which meant my right hand is ready to grab her. She'd taken to fighting me off. I had to dose her by surprise now. I went in, ready to dose her with the hypospray. Only, she was prepared. She had on a big scarf and, I kid you not, chainmail. It was ridiculous." I can't even smile at the absurdity of her outfit right now. "There wasn't anywhere I could dose her. She grabbed the hypospray, tossed it away, and pinned my arm behind me." I don't need to tell her the rest do I? "One thing led to another and now I'm here." She'd listened intently for the entire tale. At the end, she shakes her head. I expect she'll comm for security to throw me in the brig, but instead she smiles softly and squeezes my arm across the table. 

"Tom, you didn't rape B'Elanna." She says it like she's telling a little kid that monsters don't live under beds. Well, she forgot the ones that live under your skin. "If anything, she raped you." That gives me pause. I hadn't considered it. But no, I wanted her. I still want her. "The two of you have been spending—_what?_—every evening together since her accident?" I nod. It was every evening. "That's more than you used to spend together. I can believe that the two of you grew close. I will also speak with B'Elanna, but I don't think she will have any complaints." The way she says it makes me wonder if she's questioning how well I performed. Maybe I _should_ have told her the rest of the story. 

"You can't be serious." I'm shaking my head. "I hurt her. She was in shock when I left." 

"You had sex with her and then left before the dust could settle." She deadpans. "I'd be shocked too." This can't be right. I want to push the point, but she won't budge. "Take some time for yourself this evening. I'll ask Kes to bring B'Elanna dinner." She pats my arm. "Don't worry about it." I open my mouth to protest, to tell her that she should at least confine me to quarters but she stops me. "Dismissed, Lieutenant." I rise and leave. Eyes are drawn to me likes moths to light when I exit the Captain's Ready Room. Chakotay's are among those. 

"Can I speak with you, Commander?" He nods, turns back to Tuvok to give him the bridge, and then follows me to the turbolift. We step inside and I call for it to halt. It isn't going anywhere, but the command will prevent it from picking anyone up. It occurs to me that Chakotay could beat me to death inside here and no one would hear me scream. "I hurt B'Elanna." His eyes fire up with anger but his command habits give him the greater sense to ask for clarification. If this had happened while I was on the _Val Jean_, I have no doubt that he'd have beaten me to a pulp and left me in the middle of the corridor with orders not to assist me. Then again, on the _Val Jean_, I probably wouldn't take B'Elanna to Sick Bay. At least, I would have waited until after I'd had my fun. 

"Go on." I tell him the same story I told the Captain. His expression has softened somewhat by the time I finish. "You told the Captain?" I nod. "What did she say?" I feel like a kid getting caught trying to get the answer he wants from a parent. 

"She said not to worry." He claps me on the shoulder with a careful smile. 

"Then don't." He bids the turbolift to let him off and just like that I'm left with the thought that the command team has gone crazy. _Someone should tell the Doctor._ That makes me wonder if B'Elanna has gone to see him yet. I could stop by, but what good would that do if I'm right? Better to stay away, perhaps indefinitely. 


	5. B'Elanna

He isn't happy; B'Elanna can tell this much as he scrambles off of her. She tries to figure out what she did wrong as she sits up. He's getting dressed, apologizing and telling her that the Doctor can help her. She isn't sure why he's saying this. _Am I sick? Is he?_ He leaves before she can ask him. 

Alone. She's naked and alone in her quarters. Her lover just ran out on her. She doesn't know whether to cry or to scream. 

The thought of screaming makes her suddenly realize why he was so flustered. She wishes she'd had the sense of mind to calm his fears. But, she doesn't think it would have done much good. He seems to have made up his mind. _What will he do now?_ She isn't sure, but she thinks he'll tell someone important. He might not be able to see her for dinner tomorrow. The thought makes her curl her legs to herself in self-pity and fear. Others have come by to help her remember: an Asian man named Harry, that Ocampan named Kes, a sturdy man named Michael, the slight woman who's first name escapes her but who's last is Henley, the Commander Chakotay. But, Tom is the one she feels the most comfortable with. And she doesn't feel the same animalistic pull with any of the others. 

_This is ridiculous,_ she thinks after a moment. Now she's just angry. How dare he leave her. How dare he misread her so thoroughly. If the Captain or Chakotay don't gut him, she will. With a frustrated cry, she gets up and heads for the shower. She needs to clean up and she needs the hot sting of water to soothe her anger. The shower starts up quickly and B'Elanna steps under the hot water. She leans against the back of the shower on her arms while the water slides down her back, scalding before it becomes comfortable. She twists, allowing one side to take the brunt of it and then the other side before she faces front. She has to lower the temperature slightly but it is still hot enough to give a faint burning sensation. She watches the drain as evidence of the past few minutes drains away. She vaguely wonders if B'Elanna is up to date on her contraceptives. She hopes so. Given what she knows, she's grateful she doesn't have to be the one to explain to her how she got pregnant if not. She sighs, resigning herself to speak with the Doctor to be sure. 

When she steps out of the shower, she has to walk into her quarters for a towel. In her anger, she didn't grab one. Now that the anger has subsided, she chides herself for being so neglectful. She finds a towel in the bottom dresser drawer and dries herself vigorously. She dresses, not in uniform, but in casual grey pants and a deep blue tank. To Sick Bay she goes. 

She has to stop along the way a few times to check a map of the ship but eventually she finds it. Stepping in gives her a chill and she realizes that she wouldn't normally come here of her own accord. Perhaps it reminds B'Elanna too much of the time she'd been experimented on. The Doctor steps out of his office to greet her. 

"Ah, B'Elanna. How are you?" She walks to a bed across from her, the same one she'd been on earlier. 

"Fine, fine." 

"I'm afraid I don't yet have your memories for you, if that's what you came here for." He hesitates at the door to his office when he sees her pull herself onto the bed. It's as hard as she remembers it to be. 

"That's not what I came here for." 

"Oh?" He closes the distance between the two of them, picking up a device on the way. He scans her with it, brow furrowed. "You had sex." 

"Yes." She'd surprised by how he sounds surprised. Does she not normally have sex? Surely she doesn't normally come into Sick Bay afterwards but does he always state the obvious to his patients? She can't imagine very many people take kindly to him accusing them of this or that private biological function. Next thing he'll tell her is that she needs to use the restroom in a few minutes. 

"I take it À la Tom Paris was finally on the menu?" She nods as he puts the device down on the bed beside her, seeming unsure what else to do. 

"Am I up to date on my contraceptives? I have no idea...." She trails. _Just what would I do if I wasn't?_

"Oh, yes, yes. Don't worry." He smiles now that he knows why she came in. "You had a physical just before your last away mission and I administered it then since it was past due." _Past due._ Well, good thing she went on that away mission then. "Anything else?" She moves to get up and he moves out of her way. 

"No." She lands and hesitates. She does have something else, but she doesn't know how to ask. "Would you—would you say I'm capable of giving consent for—for B'Elanna?" He chuckles but sobers when he realizes she's serious. 

"Seeing as how you are B'Elanna, yes. Absolutely. Unless of course you were intoxicated or asleep." She was neither of those things. Tom's in the clear. 

"Tom doesn't seem to think I am." That gives the Doctor pause. He shifts uncomfortably at what he must think she's saying. 

"I stand by what I said. Tom is not a fully-trained medical personnel. Aside from the missing memories, you possess a fully functional brain, complete with frontal lobe capabilities. You're as much B'Elanna as B'Elanna is." She feels a weight she didn't know she was carrying lift. Tom's wrong and she'll see him again. The thought makes her smile. 

"Thank you, Doctor." She turns to leave. 

"Anytime." When she leaves Sick Bay, she realizes she feels different about Tom. She isn't sure what it means. It isn't like the craving she had. It's more of a longing. She wants him to hug her. She wants to hug him. It's so tender a longing that it's almost repulsive. Almost. She sighs. Tom won't want to see her yet. That much she knows. She's hungry, but she doesn't want to try navigating to the mess hall. She can't remember how to get to it here. If she started from her quarters, she might be able to find it. But even that she isn't certain of. Whenever Tom took her, she was still coming down from hormones. The necessary turns are fuzzy. She heads to her quarters anyway, hoping that seeing the corridors again will jog her memory. When she gets there, the Ocampan is standing outside her door. 

"Computer, locate B'Elanna Torres," she asks to the air. _Huh?_

"B'Elanna Torres is on the corridor of Deck Nine Section Twelve." _That must be how Tom knows where she is._ Kes looks around her and sees B'Elanna approaching her. 

"Hi B'Elanna. I didn't realize you'd left." She holds up a tray. "I brought you food since Tom couldn't." She wonders how much Kes knows about why Tom can't be here now. She presses the entry code into the door. It swishes open. 

"Thank you," she says as she takes the tray. Kes doesn't turn to go. "Would you like to come inside?" Kes nods. 

"Yes, I would. Thank you for offering." Kes steps aside to let B'Elanna in first. They go to the dining table. B'Elanna sits in Tom's usual seat, wanting to be close to him but having to settle for being close to where he's been. Kes sits across from her as B'Elanna pokes the gelatinous grey mush in the middle of her tray. She's had this before: leola root casserole. It's despicable, but she doesn't have much of a choice. She depleted her rations today trying and failing to find a command that produces plain tomato soup. She didn't have any more luck than Tom. She'd thought she'd been close with the basil, but upon a taste test, she found the basil to be overpowering. Kes crosses her hands in her lap. "How are you holding up?" B'Elanna had just shoved a large bite into her mouth. Better to get the food down quickly. Kes lets her finish. 

"I'm fine. I feel a little like myself now actually." Kes nods and smiles. 

"That's great! The Doctor is still a few days away from restoring your memories, but that you feel like yourself is a good sign. It should help the memories take to you." B'Elanna nods as she shovels another large bite into her mouth. 

"Have you seen Tom?" She asks when she finishes chewing. Kes goes still for a moment but recovers quickly. _So she does know some._

"I have not." Her voice doesn't give anything away. "The Captain asked me to come by when she heard Tom couldn't." 

"Will I see him again?" She tries to go for casual, like she doesn't care about the answer either way, but she's not sure it comes out that way. Kes gives her a knowing look. She places a hand on her hand that isn't holding the fork but resting on the table next to her tray. 

"If you want, I'm sure you will. The Captain wants to talk with you before then though. She asked me to keep you company until she's free." 

"He told her." It isn't a question. It's a fact. _What does the Captain think of all this? Has she arrested him?_ The thought churns in her belly and makes her realize she's no longer hungry. She drops the fork and takes a long swig of her water to settle herself. Kes squeezes her hand but doesn't answer beyond that. She wants to demand why from Kes, but how is the Ocampan to know? Besides, she knows why already. Tom thought he'd hurt her. It isn't true, at least, not in the way he thinks, but he doesn't know better. "He didn't hurt me." It's important that someone else knows. Kes pats her hand and looks down at it. 

"He doesn't see it that way." 

"The Doctor said I'm capable of consent for myself." She doesn't delineate with B'Elanna's name. The Doctor had said she was as much B'Elanna as B'Elanna was. 

"I know. I agree." She looks up. "He'll come to realize that eventually. But I think he'd feel better if you had all your memories." She shrugs and withdraws her hand. "Maybe when you do, he'll see reason." 

"I hope so." The door buzzes. "Enter." The Captain in her uniform appears in the doorway. 

"May I?" She steps inside when B'Elanna nods. Kes stands. 

"I should be going. Captain, B'Elanna." Kes nods to each of them and then walks out. The Captain takes her seat. 

"Tom came to me with some...unsettling news. He seems to believe he committed a grave offense toward you. What do you think?" B'Elanna pushes the tray away from her. She wishes Kes had taken it with her. When she isn't hungry, the gelatinous blob makes her a little queasy. She shakes her head. 

"He didn't commit any grave offense." She pauses. That isn't entirely true. "Actually," the Captain looks worried, "I might just gut him for leaving so suddenly." The Captain relaxes and laughs. 

"I'm glad to hear that's the worst of it." She says when she recovers from her belly laugh. "I'll be sure to let him know." 

"No." The Captain looks puzzled. "I'd like to." She nods. 

"Of course. It is a personal matter now that we've established no crime took place." She pauses. "How are you?" Why must everyone ask? It seems as soon as she's reassured one person, another one asks. 

"Looking forward to the day when no one asks me that again." The Captain laughs again and lifts her hands apologetically from the table before letting them land again, palm up and relaxed. 

"Sorry. I like to stay apprised of the wellbeing of my crew. I can send an announcement saying no one is to ask you how you're doing again." B'Elanna smiles. 

"No, that's not necessary. Kes said the Doctor is only a few days away from curing me. Then the next time someone asks, I can sock them for it." 

"Do me a favor, and tell me when that happens!" The Captain smiles. 

"Aye, aye," she says playfully. _Is B'Elanna normally friends with the Captain?_ The Captain doesn't seem put off by her reply. Her eyes twinkle with mischief even. "How is engineering holding up?" 

"Oh, Carey is bland but efficient. Honestly, I think the lower engineers miss your fiery excitement. It certainly gets the job done quickly. I'm looking forward to hearing your reports again. The next time I have to listen to Carey drone, I'm just going to transfer to engineering myself and give Chakotay the captaincy." She says it with a laugh but sounds almost like she's actually considered it. 

"You can be an engineer?" _Maybe she can help fix the replicators._

"I trained as a science officer before I wound up on the command track. Quantum physics were my specialty. I like to brush up on my engineering skills every so often. Otherwise, I miss it too much. Science soothes the soul more than command." B'Elanna nods. When she was tinkering with the replicator, she felt oddly calm. Everything was so orderly and precise. 

"I have a small engineering problem that I wonder if you can help me with." 

"I'm always up for a challenge. What is it?" 

"Plain tomato soup and the replicator." The Captain purses her lips. _Is there something wrong with tomato soup?_

"Chakotay told me about your prank." 

"My what?" 

"The prank you pulled on Paris." She waves her hand. "I figured he was a convict, better he didn't have _every_ luxury so I allowed it. But, he's really come to prove himself these past few weeks. Especially in his handling of you and your situation." B'Elanna nods, she remembers her frustration when throwing herself at him didn't work. Now she sees why he had to resist her: he knew something was wrong but had no idea what. 

"What was the prank?" 

"You programmed the replicators to randomly make a variation on tomato soup whenever plain is requested. If you ask for basil, it gives you basil. But if you ask for plain, it might give you spicy, it might give you chunky, or it might even give you a leola root variation." She grimaces at that, glad she'd never been subject to the leola root variation. 

"I'd like to reverse it. I tried resetting the system, but the procedure was prohibited." 

"I can override it." The Captain stands to go to the replicator. B'Elanna fetches the tool kit from under her bed and brings it to the Captain as she kneels. She takes out a screwdriver to remove the paneling and sets it to the side after returning the screwdriver. With practiced ease, she enters her command code, touches the red wires and B'Elanna watches with suppressed glee as the necessary thirty seconds are marked by the green light turning off. The Captain resets the wiring and closes the panel. She stands. "Plain tomato soup, hot. Use account pi seven." The replicator chimes and B'Elanna stands to look at the bowl of red soup. She dips her pinky into it for a taste: creamy tomato soup. She grins happily. 

"Thank you, Captain." 

"Glad to help." The Captain eyes the soup, then looks at B'Elanna. "I believe you have someone's day to make." _I have a new trick to try._

"Computer, locate Tom Paris." 

"Tom Paris is on Holodeck One." 


	6. Tom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mon chéri (honey)  
problèmes (problems)  
bien sûr (of course)  
ou (or)  
idiot (idiot) -- The t is silent in French, friends.  
non (no)  
certainement (certainly)

* * *

With the command team crazy, Harry on shift and B'Elanna off limits, I wander onto the holodeck. Sandrine greets me at the bar. 

"_Mon chéri_. Tough day?" She leans over the bar, her breasts push enticingly forwards. Any other day, I'd be interested. I only notice because they brush my hand and I pull away out of politeness. "Tell Sandrine your _problèmes_," she coos, half in English, half in French. At the time, disabling the translator's perception of French seemed like a good idea. Now, hearing one of the most popular romance languages makes me sad. 

"A drink first, Sandrine," _to go with my mood._

"_Bien sûr, chéri_." She scurries away to the other side of the bar and returns with my usual: margarita on the rocks with lime. I squeeze the little lime sliver into the drink and plunk it into the liquid before swirling with the straw and taking a sip. Only then do I acknowledge Sandrine again. "_Problème_: work _ou_ personal?" Which was it? I work with B'Elanna on occasion; the command staff seems uncaring; the Captain was who ordered I check on her in the first place. However, this wouldn't have been a problem if we didn't have feelings—whatever they were—for each other. When I'd asked Harry about B'Elanna, he said she was pretty relaxed, if wary. It's only me she attacks. 

"Personal." I drink my margarita again. 

"_Zut_, the worst kind! Don't tell me Ricky has been giving _mon chéri problèmes_?" I shake my head. 

"Not Ricky. Another woman." _Another hell of a woman._ She pats my arm. 

"Us women are fickle things. _Nécessaire de reculer pour mieux sauter_." I look at her questioningly. I don't know the phrase. I'd added a database of French customs and language to create many of the characters here. I never read any of them though. "Necessary to draw back in order to leap better, _chéri_" That does sum things up. If only it were possible to draw back from this mess I've made. I forlornly take another sip of my drink. The sting of synthohol dulls my throat. Good thing too, otherwise I might cry. 

"What'd you do in my situation Sandrine? There's this woman. She's lost many of her memories and normally wouldn't give me the time of day." That's exaggerating it a bit, but maybe Sandrine's response will be more tempered. "All of a sudden she's all over me because she's lost her memories. I can't resist her." 

"What would I do? _Chéri_, you haven't denied this poor woman have you?" I don't answer. "Is it possible she's lost some of her self-control too?" I swirl my drink in my hand, watching the ice assault the helpless lime. B'Elanna does go from one extreme to the next. Seems the saltpeter helps that happen. 

"Yes, it's possible." She clucks her tongue at me. 

"Tomas. _Idiot_. Just because she's forgotten her memories doesn't mean she's forgotten she's a woman." She hits my arm lightly. "Finally, she can say what she truly wants and you don't listen?" I don't like her accusing me. 

"I did listen." Her animated face falls as I finish my drink. 

"Oh." She pauses to replace my drink with the second one she'd brought over. I repeat my lime ritual. "Then what's the _problème_? _Je ne comprends pas_." Of course she doesn't understand. She's a hologram. 

"It's a problem because I know her well. She'd never let me. Not normally." 

"_Quand on a pas ce que l’on aime, il faut aimer ce que l’on a_." She translates automatically for me. "When one doesn’t have the things that one loves, one must love what one has." I hold up my hand, too annoyed to heed her wisdom. 

"I know, I know: want what I have and I want for nothing. Sandrine, it isn't so easy. I feel," awful doesn't cut it, "devastated. I know you don't think so—maybe she doesn't think so either—but I hurt her. The sooner she has her memories, the sooner she'll realize." I tilt my glass until the liquid nearly spills to the table. Tempting fate. That's what I'm doing. "I almost don't want the Doctor to fix her." I say quietly. She pats my hand. I tilt my glass back to normal. 

"Ah, but he will _non_?" I nod my head. 

"Thanks, Sandrine, for the drink and the conversation. But I just want to be alone now." 

"_Certainement_. I'll be," she gestures to the bar at large with a sweeping motion of her right hand above her head, "around. Call chéri, if I'm needed." She pats my shoulder as she departs. I nurse my drink, listening to the clink of pool balls in the background. Gary Gaunt whistles after a time. 

"Haven't seen you in a decade, sweet thing." 

"Can it." _That's B'Elanna._ She can't be _here_. "And back off before I spill." I try to make myself small, hunkering my head lower so my hair doesn't show. I wish I'd changed out of my uniform. I'd be harder to spot in something casual. Maybe I could even pretend to be a holo-character. I hear her settle something on the bar beside me. Then she slips into a stool. "Hi Tom." When I don't respond—my holo-character's name is Tomas obviously—she tries again. "I brought you a gift." _A gift? Since when do criminals get gifts?_ Another voice reminds me I'm not in the brig or confined and I still have my rank. Not a criminal. I look over at the gift on the table. It's a bowl of soup. "Tomato, _plain_ and hot." She says it like a dare. I look up at her. 

"How?" She smiles. 

"Apparently, B'Elanna thought she'd play a prank on you." I roll my eyes. It doesn't surprise me. "The Captain and Chakotay knew about it. She helped me fix it since I'd previously set a restriction." I gesture to the soup. 

"For me?" 

"Yes. For you." I slide the bowl in front of myself. 

"Do you need a spoon?" I shake my head as I pick up the bowl with both hands. I bring it to my lips and tilt it to take a sip. I close my eyes when the warm liquid enters my mouth. _It's been too long!_ I greedily chug away at the soup until it's gone. When I set the bowl down, I use the back of my sleeve to wipe my upper lip. 

"Wow. Thank you." She looks happy. I might go so far as to say overjoyed. "So the replicators will work now?" 

"You can order as much tomato soup as you like." 

"Mmm. Thank you. For fixing it, not for the prank in the first place." She snorts. 

"The Captain did most of it." _The Captain._ I'd almost forgotten. My eyes drop to the table. 

"Then, she spoke to you?" B'Elanna put her hand on my arm. 

"She did. I told her the only thing you did wrong was leave in a hurry, jerk." Her tender hand is at odds with her words. It makes me laugh. I turn back to her and give her a wide grin. 

"Sorry. Won't happen again." She leans forward. _Whoops._

"It won't huh? Plan on a repeat offense?" Her face is inches from mine. I should turn away. Before I can a commbadge beeps. 

"Doctor to B'Elanna." He sounds excited. B'Elanna looks startled. She pulls away and doesn't know what to do. I tap her commbadge for her. 

"Tom and B'Elanna here, Doc." 

"I've got the cure. Come down as soon as possible. Doctor out." I study B'Elanna's face when the commline goes silent. I want to know what she is thinking and feeling right now. Relief? Fear? Sorrow? 

"Do you know how to get to Sick Bay from here?" She shakes her head. 

"No." I stand up, grabbing my bowl along the way. 

"I'll take you." She stands up and follows me. I set the bowl in the replicator tray next to the entrance on our way out. Next stop: Sick Bay and torment lane. 

The Doctor buzzes around us when we step into Sick Bay. I usher a dazed B'Elanna to a biobed while the Doctor approaches with a tray of vials and hyposprays. 

"Lay back B'Elanna. We'll do this in increments, but you will need to be sedated for the process." She complies, but her body is rigid. I squeeze her hand and she relaxes some. Maybe Sandrine's right. Maybe she really does like me. The Doctor presses a hypospray of anesthesia to her neck and B'Elanna's eyes flutter closed. Her hand relaxes in mine but I don't let go. 


	7. B'Elanna

The first thing I feel is tingling. My neck tingles all the way along my collarbones and down my arms. I hope the Doctor hasn't somehow paralyzed me and I can only feel the tingling bits. I flex my feet to test them. They seem to be moving, but I won't know for sure unless I look. 

"Doctor, she's waking up," Tom says somewhere to my left. _Oh, my eyes are closed._ It's such a weird sensation to awake from anesthesia. Sometimes it takes days to feel like I'm in control of my body again. I fight to open my eyes. When I do, I have to close them again with a groan. The lights are too bright. 

"Turn the lights down will you?" My voice sounds hoarse. I wonder how long I was out. 

"Sure, B'Elanna. Do you want some water too?" When I nod, I feel his hand leave mine. Funny, I hadn't noticed he'd been holding my hand. It simply felt like part of my body. I hear him return, presumably with a glass. "The lights are dim now. You can open your eyes." I do and pull myself into a half-seated position. With my right hand, I take the drink from him. The glass is cool but not wet. It hasn't had time to condense the air around it to its surface. I take greedy sips until the drink is gone. I hand the empty glass back to Tom. _Tom._ Memories come back and I'm sitting up quickly, dangling my legs over the edge to judge my ability to scram. My face feels hot and I'm glad I'm facing away from Tom. He doesn't make an attempt to stand in front of me. Maybe he knows what I'm thinking right now. Maybe he expects it. I kick my legs, testing them. I hadn't felt dizzy when I sat up. The adrenaline must have already kicked in. Before the Doctor can inspect me, I'm off the bed and running to my quarters. 

Not until I'm safe behind my locked door do I scream. _This cannot be happening!_ I can't have actually _slept_ with Tom. Sure, I admit, I'd thought about it...more than once. But that's all they were: thoughts. Thoughts that have no place to exist other than when I'm alone with my hand and my pleasure. I groan and press my palms to my eyes until I see white. And it hadn't been that he'd come on to me, no. I press a hand to my mouth. I'd _challenged_ him...in front of engineering. 

"How am I ever going to work there again?" I ask to noone in particular. Fuming, I cross my room to settle on my bed. But I freeze before I get there, remembering the last time I was in it. Instead, I lay on the couch. I grab a pillow and scream even louder into it. Then I'm laughing. It happened; it's over. And it was _good_. Would I do it again? _Maybe._ The other shoe drops: the interpretation of my abrupt departure. I clutch the pillow to my chest. He's really going to think he raped me. But he hadn't. I remember wanting to. Oh, I remember wanting him so badly then that I almost ask the computer where his dumb, attractive face is now. I sit up. I should clear the air before he gets himself in trouble. I let the pillow roll out of my arms to the ground and tap my commbadge. "Torres to Paris." He responds immediately, sounding a little surprised. 

"Paris here." 

"I need to speak with you." My voice sounds steadier than I feel. Even as I'm saying it, I want to cancel and backtrack. After a few minutes, my door buzzes. I don't bother standing. "Enter." The door opens to admit Tom. He spots me on the couch and steps inside towards me. I scoot over on the couch. Sitting on the right corner reminds me of when I'd been kneeling there earlier, so sure I had him within my grasp. He'd made a joke: he's not on the menu. I didn't understand it then. I do now. When he sits down facing me slightly, he offers me a square box with a ribbon. I take it gingerly. "What's this?" 

"Open it when I leave." I'm curious, but I set it aside on the coffee table. "I'm assuming you want to talk about...." in leu of any words, he gestures toward the bed that's slightly behind him with his left hand. His blush makes me blush. I nod. Now that he's here, my throat is dry. I don't know what to say. "I shouldn't have taken advantage of you. I'm sorry." He looks sincere. 

"I'm not." He looks as surprised as I feel. _Just where did that come from?_ My subconscious shrugs. "Don't get me wrong. If I had my memories, that'd," I gesture to the bed as well; I'll need to clean my sheets, "never happen." 

"I know." 

"But, I'm not sorry. You didn't hurt me, Tom." He chews on that a moment. 

"We can forget about it then." 

"Right." I know I won't be forgetting it any time soon. It's good fodder for my imagination. I guess it could be the same for him. Forgetting just means neither of us will bring it up again. 

"Right....Are we still friends?" I mull that over. Harry would be devastated if the two of us stopped hanging with him together. _Does he even know what happened tonight?_ I suspect he doesn't. Things happened so fast. 

"We're still friends." I offer him a half-smile. He pulls me into a hug. We've hugged before. He'd even held me while I cried in the Vidiian mines once. Yet, this catches me off guard. I eventually manage to hug him back and when he leaves, I have the urge to pull him to me again. It's like how I felt when I'd left Sick Bay with my questions answered about consent and contraceptives. Again I'm thankful for having gone on that away mission and getting a booster. _Away mission: take one monthly._ I laugh at my bad joke. He raises an eyebrow. 

"What's funny?" 

"Oh nothing. I just need away missions for my health." It's clear he doesn't understand. 

"That last one gave you a memory-eating parasite," he says slowly with skepticism. 

"True, but the physical got me my contraceptive booster." After I say it, I realize how intimate a detail that is. It's certainly not something to tell a male friend. It's _definitely_ not something you tell a male friend who you accidentally _slept_ with. His face drops in realization. 

"Oh." He runs his right hand through his hair nervously. "I hadn't even thought about that. Wow." He chuckles. "I guess I'm glad too." His disarming smile makes me tumble. _Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if—._ I don't let that thought continue. For my own sanity, I can't. "I—I should get going." 

"Right. You won't admit your crimes to the Captain I hope?" He smirks. 

"Only the _really bad_ ones." I wonder what he might mean for a moment before I realize he's flirting. Hadn't we agreed on being friends? Though, I guess I broke that agreement first with my comment on my booster. I laugh. 

"Just leave Harry out of it. He's too green. Bye Tom." Mentioning his friend's name sobers him somewhat. He stiffens slightly. 

"Bye B'Elanna." He leaves soon after. I shift my gaze from the door to face forward. The box catches my eye. I lean forward and place it in my lap. I slip the ribbon off and lift the lid. A dozen different chocolates gaze up at me. I laugh. _Just friends, hah!_ I tell myself that maybe it's a thank you for fixing the replicator as I select a chocolate. _Mmm. Nougat._ I don't believe my lie for one second.


End file.
